


• colors.

by witchystilinski



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Other, Suicide Attempt, depressed!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:16:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7956448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchystilinski/pseuds/witchystilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>• Dean saving his angel from drowing hinself in the beach :')</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. √ the ocean is beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> what the fuck are u going to read hun

Cas is depressed. Or sad. Or just doesn't care. All he can think right now is Dean.  
How many times has he disappointed Dean?  
Betrayed him, lied to him, turned him down.

Why does Dean still care? Why did he care when he let Lucifer in him to defeat the Darkness? Why did he try to save him?  
Why did he care for him at the first place?

He shouldn't.

Because Cas is useless. Even an angel, he doesn't do anything. And Cas hates that.

He doesn't deserve Dean. Or Sam. Or anything else.

He doesn't deserve happiness. A home, food, a warm place to sleep, clean clothes and water.

He is worthless.  
He's just an ex-angel with a trenchcoat.

He doesn't deserve to be human.

Hell, he doesn't even deserve anything at all.

He doesn't deserve to exist.  
Why is he still alive?

That's a mistake.  
No problem.

He has done so many mistakes before.  
He tried to fix them though.

But he always manages to fail.  
Fuck, he's so useless to even.

That's okay anyway.  
He is able to fix that one though.

~

The afternoon beach is wonderful, Cas thinks while walking to the beach. His bare feet touching the soft and warm sand.

If Dean was there he would say that it was "beautiful California weather".

But he isn't.  
Part of him is glad about that fact, but another part of him, more selfish and hopeful, will always want his righteous man beside him, making him smile.

He tries to ignore that part.

His thoughts are interrupted by something wet and cold touching his toes.  
Cas looks down and stares at the water. 

It's beautiful.

He takes his trenchcoat off and his tie and throws them.

Dean won't like it if I get them dirty, a voice tells him in his head.

That doesn't stop him.

He doesn't think a lot (probably) when his feet drive him into the water.

The water is really cold, and he can't really stand.

Nut anyway, that doesn't really matter.

He has two options:  
1\. End it now. His life, his worries. His thoughts, his everything.

At the same time, Dean and Sam would stop worrying about him and he would finally find peace.

2\. Go back to the bunker and ask Dean for help. For support. For a shoulder to cry on and keep him safe.

He doesn't like the second idea. Why Dean would care about him? 

He doesn't want to worry or bother neither Dean nor Sam.

He chooses the first one and he doesn't even regret it.

He walks deeper and deeper into the water, until the water is around his neck.

He's so cold and he hates that.

He doesn't know how to do this.

Drowing himself is a really stupid idea, and he didn't know why he thought that in the first place but he's not gonna stop now.

Not now he's so close.

To salvation.

He stares at the water sadly.


	2. √ save me from the damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bring me to life by katherine jenkins is a very good cover, yo should listen to it c;

Dean is going insane.

He just came back from a hunt and he can't find Cas. He isn't on his bedroom, or anywhere on the bunker right now.

He asked Sam if he had seen him and he shook his head.

His heartbeat is increasing with worry for what could happen to him.

He decides on using their laptop to track Cas' phone.

Looks like Cas took it with him when he left.

Thank God, is all Dean can think right now.

Turns out Cas was on the nearest beach, and it was stable. He hasn't moved for long.

Next thing Dean knows he's on his Impala and the sounds of her starting engine are the only thing surrounding him.

What was Cas doing on the beach?  
Scratch that. Leave the explanation for later, idiot.  
All that matters now is Cas.

~

When he finally arrives, he turns off Baby and gets out quickly. He closes the door a little harder than he should but right now he doesn't mind.

He looks around, and the ex-angel (now human) is nowhere to find.

Dean is starting to lose his mind as he slowly walks on the sand, leaving footprints behind him.

He looks around but nothing.

He tries shouting his name. 

"CAS?"

No answer.

"CAS? WHERE ARE YOU?"

This.. this is.. it's getting.. no.

"CAS."

"PLEASE MAN, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Please."

It was starting to get cold and Dean begins to think of leaving.

Until he catches with the corner of his eye a trenchcoat and a tie lying on the sand, and he's sure he's familiar with them.

He looks at the ocean and regnorizes a figure trying to...

KILL HIMSELF?

~

He screams "NO" while running into the sand and the cold water.

He doesn't care.

He swims towards Cas who is now underwater and takes him into his arms.

Quickly, he gets to the surface with Cas and he tries to catch his breath.

He's freezing, dammit.

"Come on buddy, let's get outta here." he whispers.

He throws himself with Cas on the sand.  
He cups Cas' face with his cold arms and shakes it.

"Wake up!" he shouts while cold tears fall in his face.

He lays Cas down and puts his lips into Cas while breathing into them, hoping that will bring Cas back to life.

"Come on Cas!" he literally screams.

He finds those beautiful blue eye opening and Cas tries to get his breath back.

"CAS!"

Cas goes weakly into Dean's arms while breathing hard.

"Oh my god Cas." Dean says hugging Cas tight.

"Dean.." Cas cries with his head on Dean's shoulder.

Dean's mind screams joy and relieve while holding Cas alive on his arms.

He cries with happiness.  
He got his angel back.

Yeah, he's human.  
But he's always Dean's angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bYE

**Author's Note:**

> this is bullshit ikr


End file.
